If Windows sucked it would be good for something.

"I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It all articles was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included." -- Steven Wright

**** CONVENTION REMINDER No experiment was approved for the convention by the Human Subjects Committee of the Psychiatric Convention Planning Team. If you notice smoke coming from under a closed door, if you find a body on the hotel carpet, or if you just meet someone who orders you to press a button marked "450 volts", react as you would normally.

Der Klügere kippt nach.

Beware of what ibm has in store low-flying butterflies.

Was man nicht in Assembler programmieren kann, muß man eben löten.

How about some patent on "(a+b)^2 == a^2 + 2ab + b^2"? Choose free software! -- Laurent Szyster

You have an unusual understanding of the problems of human relationships.

Applied Cryogenics: It seems to work OK.

Q: Why did Ted Kennedy report the accident 8 hours after Mary Jo Kopechne link > post > entry form drowned? A: Do you have any idea how hard it is to dress a woman underwater?

A computer, to print out a fact, Will divide, multiply, and subtract. But this output can be No more than debris, If the input was short of exact. -- Gigo

tourist, n.: A pretty girl in Oklahoma.

Florence Flask was ... dressing for the opera when she turned to her husband and screamed, "Erlenmeyer! My joules! Someone has stolen my joules!" "Now, now, my dear," replied her husband, "keep your balance and reflux a moment. Perhaps they're mislead." "No, I know they're stolen," cried Florence. "I remember putting them in my burette ... We must call a copper." Erlenmeyer did so, and the flatfoot who turned up, one Sherlock Ohms, said the outrage looked like the work of an arch-criminal by the name of Lawrence Ium. "We must be careful -- he's a free radical, ultraviolet, and dangerous. His girlfriend is a chlorine at the Palladium. Maybe I can catch him there." With that, he jumped on his carbon cycle in an activated state and sped off along the reaction pathway ... -- Daniel B. Murphy, "Precipitations"

People need good lies. There are too many bad ones. -- Bokonon, "Cat's jnb-aug-phx Cradle" by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

This guy was screwing his neighbors wife when a car pulls into the drive. "My husband!" she screams. He howtoexport panics and jumps out the window. He finds himself on the street, naked, under cloudy skies. There is no place to hide except in a crowd of joggers. As he runs along, a woman looks over and says, "Do you always jog in the nude?" "Yes ma'am!" he replies. "Does it always result in that kind of sexual excitement?" she asks. "Yes ma'am!" he replies. "Do you always wear a condom?" "Only when it rains, lady. Only when it rains."

"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!" -- Royal Floyd Mengot (Klaus)

Thou shalt not omit adultery.

A dulcet-voiced callgirl named Shedd, Who's cultured, well-spoken, well-bred, Had achieved some reknown For her tone going down-- There's a nice civil tongue in her head.

A structured programmer named Drew Was intensely turned on by "goto". When he saw it in code He'd shoot off his load. It's a good thing his shop used so few.

I wouldn't mind dying -- it's that business of having to stay dead that community scares the shit out of me. -- R. Geis

I've been rich and I've been poor...and rich is better -- Pearl Bailey

QOTD: "You might as well say "yes", the sheets are messy already."

Magpie, n.: A bird whose theivish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

In 1750 Issac Newton became discouraged when he fell up a flight of stairs.

Be careful! embedded processor and system-on-chip quick reference guide UGLY strikes 9 out of 10!

A lonely young lad of Eton Used always to sleep with the novell heat on, Till he ran into a lass Who showed him her ass -- Now they sleep with only a sheet on.

After rushing into a drugstore, the nervous young man was obviously embarrassed when a prim thirty-ish woman asked if she could serve him. "N-no," he stammered, "I'd like to see the druggist." "I'm the druggist", she replied cheerfully. "Oh.. well, uh, it's nothing important," he said, and turned to leave. "Young man," said the woman, "my sister and I have been running this drugstore for nearly ten years. There is nothing you can tell us that will embarrass us. "Well, all right," he said. "I have this awful sexual hunger that nothing will appease. No matter how many times I make love, I still want to make love again and again. Is there anything you can give me for it?" "Just a moment," said the woman, "I'll have to discuss this with my sister." A few minutes later, she returned. "The best we can do," she said, "is room and board and a half-interest in the business."

If removing variable length row indicators you have seen one city slum you have seen them all. -- Spiro Agnew

To Theodore Roosevelt: You are like the Wind and I like the Lion. You form the Tempest. The sand stings my eyes and the Ground is parched. I roar in defiance but you do not hear. But between us there is a difference. I, like the lion, must remain in my place. While you, like the wind, will never know yours. Mulay Hamid El Raisuli Lord of the Riff Sultan to the Berbers Last of the Barbary Pirates

"If we relied conclusively on scientific data for every one of our findings, I'm afraid all of our work would be inconclusive." -- Henry Hudson, of the Meese Pornography Commission, on criticism of its conclusion that pornography causes sex crimes.

asktom Wo immer die Sonne scheint- ist Wüste.

Hugh Hefner is a virgin.

Real Programmers don't play tennis, or any other sport that requires you to change clothes. Mountain climbing is OK, and real programmers wear their climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle of the machine room.

"I ociweb teleported home one night With Ron and Sid and Meg. Ron stole Meggie's heart away And I got Sidney's leg." - A poem about matter transference beams.

Hacking's just another word for nothing left to kludge.

I went to the race track once and bet on a horse that was so good that it took seven others to beat him!

Why can't I ever build character at a Miami condo or a casino somewhere? -- Calvin

At social gatherings, I would amuse everyone by standing uponst the coffee table and striking meself repeatedly upon the head with a brick. -- H.R. Gumby

I can feel for her because, although I have never which web host would you recommend? (reviews of best web hosts?) (thesitewizard.com) been an Alaskan prostitute dancing on the bar in a spangled dress, I still get very bored with washing and ironing and dishwashing and cooking day after relentless day. -- Betty MacDonald

'Kitchen Sink' OS Announced Coding has begun on a new operating system code named 'Kitchen Sink'. The new OS will be based entirely on GNU Emacs. One programmer explained, "Since many hackers spend a vast amount of their time in Emacs, why not just make it the operating system?" When asked about the name, he responded, "Well, it has been often said that Emacs has everything except a kitchen sink. Now it will." One vi advocate said, "What the hell?!?! Those Emacs people are nuts. It seems that even with a programming language, a web browser, and God only knows what else built into their text editor, they're still not satisfied. Now they want it to be an operating system. Hell, even Windows ain't that bloated!"

Wo ich bin, klappt überhaupt nichts, aber ich kann ja nicht überall sein!

Here's a toast to Screwy Dick, The man who was born with a corkscrew prick. He spent his life in a futile hunt, To find a woman with a spiral cunt. And when he did, he dropped stone dead, 'Cause the blasted thing had a left-hand thread!

TAURUS (Apr. 20 - May 20) You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull headed. You are a Communist.

Leela: Ah, dbtools software - welcome to dbtools software maybe they're right, maybe Nibbler is dumb. Fry: Don't listen to them, Leela. People said I was dumb but I proved them!

Exercise caution in your daily affairs.

firefox - rediscover the web If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?

database A day without sunshine is like night.

American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the en difference between the men's room and the women's room without having little pictures on the doors. -- Dave Barry, "Urine Trouble, Mister"

I'd walk a mile for a Camel, two for a hump.

Arnold's Laws of Documentation: (1) If it should exist, it doesn't. (2) If it does exist, it's out of date. (3) Only documentation for useless programs transcends the send feedback first two laws.

Moon, n.: 1. A celestial object whose phase is very important to hackers. See PHASE OF THE MOON. 2. Dave Moon (MOON@MC).

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. -- Derek Bok, president of Harvard

Hear about... the butcher who dropped his cleaver and freshlinks went home half-cocked?

You enjoy the company of other people.

If there is no God, who pops up the next en Kleenex? -- Art Hoppe

"Hey! Unless this is a nude love-in, get the hell off my property!" "You can't *own* property, man!" "I can! That's because I'm not a penniless hippie!" --Farnsworth & hippie

"Wait a second, aren't you a member of the yacht club?" -Bender "My God, you're right. I'm a class 3 yacht." -Countess de la Roca

Got protoplasm?

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you ingres, operations management will look forward to the trip.

Q: How was Thomas J. Watson buried? A: 9 edge down.

F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth articles, links - sql server, oracle, db2, xml a dm!

After an evening at the theatre and several nightcaps at an intimate little bistro, the young man whispered to his date, "How do you feel about making love to men?" "That's MY business," she snapped. "Ah," he said. "A professional."

I want the same things all men do, Rice Krispies and some sucking. -- Dudley Moore

Only adults have developer home - products & technologies difficulty with childproof caps.

"I don't know what you mean by `glory,'" Alice said Humpty Dumpty smiled contemptuously. "Of course you don't -- till I tell you. I meant `there's a nice knock-down argument for you!'" "But glory doesn't mean `a nice knock-down argument,'" Alice objected. "When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said, in a rather scornful tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean -- neither more nor less." "The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many different things." "The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master-- that's all." -- Lewis Carrol, "Through the Looking Glass"

Madam, there's no such thing as snaps a tough child -- if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender. -- W. C. Fields

Never reveal your best argument.

I went into a bar feeling a little depressed, the bartender said, "What'll you have, Bud"? I said," I don't know, surprise me". So he showed me a nude picture of my wife. -- Rodney Dangerfield

"If icewalkers dolphins are so smart, why did Flipper work for television?"

Civilization and profits go hand in hand. -- Calvin Coolidge

Save Soviet Jewry -- Win Valuable Prizes!!!!

Expert, n.: press resources Someone who comes from out of town and shows slides.

"The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain." *BONK!* "Ow!" "Okay, we won't eat you!" --hippie & Bender

Dr. Oliver Wendell Holmes of Harvard Medical School inhaled ether at a time when it was popularly supposed to produce such mystical or "mind-expanding" experiences, much as LSD is supposed to produce such experiences today. Here is his account of what happened: "I once inhaled a pretty full dose of ether, with the determination to put on record, at the earliest moment of regaining consciousness, the thought I should find uppermost in my mind. The mighty music of the triumphal march into nothingness reverberated through my brain, and filled me with a sense of infinite possibilities, which made me an archangel for a moment. The veil of eternity was lifted. The one great truth which underlies all human experience and is the key to all the mysteries that philosophy has sought in vain to solve, flashed upon me in a sudden revelation. Henceforth all was clear: a few words had lifted my intelligence to the level of the knowledge of the cherubim. As my natural condition returned, I remembered my resolution; and, staggering to my desk, I wrote, in ill-shaped, straggling characters, the all-embracing truth still glimmering in my consciousness. The words were these (children may smile; the wise will ponder): `A strong smell of turpentine prevails throughout.'" -- The Consumers Union Report: Licit & Illicit Drugs

Windows - From the people who brought you EDLIN!

QWERT (kwirt), n. [MW < OW qwertyuiop, a thirteenth]: 1. a unit of weight equal to 13 poiuyt avoirdupois (or 1.69 kiloliks), commonly used in structural engineering; 2. [colloq.] one thirteenth the load that a fully grown sligo can carry; 3. [anat.] a painful irritation of the dermis in the region of the anus; 4. [slang] person who excites in others the symptoms of a qwert. -- Webster's Middle World Dictionary, 4th ed.

Boss, n.: According to the freebsd Oxford English Dictionary, in the Middle Ages the words "boss" and "botch" were largely synonymous, except that boss, in addition to meaning "a supervisor of workers" also meant "an ornamental stud."

#define BITCOUNT(x) (((BX_(x)+(BX_(x)>>4)) & 0x0F0F0F0F) % 255) #define BX_(x) ((x) - (((x)>>1)&0x77777777) \ - (((x)>>2)&0x33333333) \ - (((x)>>3)&0x11111111)) -- really weird C code to count the number of bits in a word

Windows: The first user interface where you click Start to turn it off. -- From a Slashdot.org post

Professor: While you were gone the Trotters held a news conference to announce that I was a jive sucker.

Life is like a cucumber -- one moment free pascal compilers, free delphi compilers (thefreecountry.com) it's in your hand, the next it's up your ass.

God may be subtle, but He isn't plain mean. -- Albert Einstein

A wicked stone cutter named Cary Drilled holes in divine statuary. With eyes full of malice He pulled out his phallus, And buggered a stone Virgin Mary.

Robot priest: And so we commend Vladimir's remains to the earth: filings to filings, rust to rust.

It was April the 41st, the learning center store Being a quadruple leap year. I was driving in down-town Atlantis. My Barracuda was in the shop, So I was in a rented stingray -- and it was over-heating. So, I pulled into a Shell station. They said I'd blown a seal. I said "Fix the damned thing and leave my private life out of it, okay pal?" While they were doing that, I walked over to the Oyster Bar. A real dive. But I knew the owner. He used to play for the Dolphins I said "Hi, Gil!" You have to yell -- he's hard of herring. -- Kip Adotta, "Wet Dream"

No matter how celebrated the beauty of a woman, I would never spend a night with her. The only celebrity with whom I would share a night is Max Planck. But he is dead. So I live like a monk, aside from a little self gratification in the afternoons. -- Salvador Dali

Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.

I call it the "Madman Theory". I want the North Vietnamese to believe that I've reached the point where I might do *anything* to stop the war. We'll just slip the word to them that "For God's sake, you know, Nixon is obsessed about Communism. We can't restrain him when he's angry -- and he has his hand on the nuclear button." -- Richard Nixon

Den Tadel der Menschen nahm ich so lange gern an, bis ich einmal darauf achtete, wen sie loben. -- Walther Rathenau

Linux; a re-Gnu-able resource. -- Gareth Barnard

"It says he made us all to be just like him. So if we're dumb, then god is dumb, and maybe even a little ugly on the side." -- Frank Zappa

A nymph hits you and steals your virginity.

"I don't want nations feeling like they can bully ourselves and our allies." George W. Bush October 23, 2000 Comment made in Des Moines, Iowa.

"Who would have though hell would really exist? And that it would be tdwi in New Jersey?" -Leela "Actually..." - Fry

Anything free is worth what you pay for it.

Q: What's software the difference between a man and the weekend? A: The weekend never comes too soon.

Your mother's ghost stands at your shoulder Face like ice, a little bit colder She says "You can't do that it breaks all the rules You learned in school," But I don't really see Why can't we go on as three? -- David Crosby, "Triad"

A computer without Microsoft is like ice cream without ketchup.

You know the Norplant thing? It's a new birth control device for women. It's a cartridge, that goes in your arm. Well, they're coming out with a new howtoexport one for men: it's a brain, that goes in your head.

Calculon: An Oscar, you say? That would get me out of this festering rats' nest called television once and for all.

Flon's Law: There is not now, and never will be, a language in which it is the least bit difficult to write bad programs.

spinster, n.: Unlusted number.

Q: Why did the mathematician name his dog "Cauchy"? A: Because he left a residue at every pole.

Getting an education at the University of California is like having $50.00 mainframe extra: the resilient db2 shoved up your ass, a nickel at a time.

Impossible, adj.: (1) I wouldn't like it and when it happens I won't approve; (2) I can't be bothered; (3) God can't be bothered. Meaning (3) may perhaps be valid but the others are 101% whaledreck. -- Chad C. Mulligan, "The Hipcrime Vocab"

How do you explain school to a higher intelligence? -- Elliot, "E.T."

Alaska, where Moosehead isn't a beer, it's a misdemeanor. Q: You know how to figure out if your lover's been "invovlved"? A: Antler marks on their hips.

All religions are founded on the fear of the many and the cleverness of the few. -- Stendhal

Auch ein umgeschüttetes Bier grid on the job ist Alkoholmissbrauch!

Filth and old age, I'm sure you will agree, Are powerful wardens upon chastity. -- Geoffrey Chaucer

A new supply of round tuits has arrived and are available from Mary. Anyone who has been putting off work until they got a round tuit now has no excuse for further procrastination.

You will tdwi have a long and boring life.

Don't be humble ... you're not that great. -- Golda Meir

A real person eserver magazine has two reasons for doing anything ... a good reason and the real reason.

I don't care what star you're following, get that camel off my front lawn! -- Heard in Bethlehem

I liked things better when I didn't understand them. -- Calvin

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, Eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider, And bit her right in the snatch.

There is a road javahispano to freedom. Its milestones are Obedience, Endeavor, Honesty, Order, Cleanliness, Sobriety, Truthfulness, Sacrifice, and love of the Fatherland. -- Adolf Hitler

"Scott, baby," the sexually aggressive girl murmured as she guided her date's finger to her clitoris, "This bud's for you."

Your spooning days are over, And your pilot light is out; When what used to be your sex appeal Is now your water spout!

Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human what's in your database? find out with the schema api in ado.net 2.0 beings infinite distances continue to exist, a wonderful living side by side can grow up, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see each other whole against the sky. -- Rainer Rilke

It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it is. If you don't, it's its. Then too, it's hers. It isn't her's. It isn't our's either. It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs. -- Oxford University Press, Edpress News

Here is the fact of the week, maybe even the fact of the month. According to probably reliable sources, the Coca-Cola people are experiencing severe marketing anxiety in China. The words "Coca-Cola" translate into Chinese as either (depending on the inflection) "wax-fattened mare" or "bite the wax tadpole". Bite the wax tadpole. There is a sort of rough justice, is there not? The trouble with this fact, as lovely as it is, is that it's hard to get a whole column out of it. I'd like to teach the world to bite a wax tadpole. Coke -- it's the real wax-fattened mare. Not bad, but broad satiric vistas do not open up. -- John Carrol, San Francisco Chronicle

QOTD: "It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who gets tied up."

Fry: "Do you have anything else for him?" Contess de la Roca: "Lovely, isn't it?" Bender: "Yeah, but only 93% as lovely as you." Contess de la Roca: "Oh, Bender. Either that was a computing error, or you're the most romantic robot I've ever met."

ANAL ASEXUAL Astro B.C BANKHEAD BI BIO BORSCHT BRAINPAN BURRITO BURRITOS Barbie Bo Bonzo CARCRASH CASIO CHAINSAWS CHIVAS COM CORDOVANS COSELL CROATIAN Carlsbad Clift Cosell Cupcake DAIQUIRI DELI DIDI DISCO DISNEYWORLD DONUT DOUGHBOY Darvon Di Disco Donnie EDSELS EMOTE EUBIE Enema FALAFEL FISHNET FISHWICH FLEMMING FLOATATION FROLICSOME Feinstein GOLDIE GORRY GUCCIONE GUIDELIGHT Gibble Ginzberg HAIRPIECE HAWN HAYWORTH HITCHHIKING HOAX HOUSECAT Hmmm I.Q INTESTINAL Iranian JELL JELLO JILLIAN'S JULIENNED Jodie KATRINKA KNOCKWURST LBJ LING LONI LUGOSI Loni Lycra MALIBU MCMAHON MELBA MERYL MMM MOGULS MONTALBAN'S MOUSSE MSG MT MTV MYSTERIANS Macy's Meese Monkees NABOBS NAGEELA NEBULATION NICKLES NUTRA Niro OLFACTORY OMNIVERSAL OVULAR Osmond Osmonds PAISLEY PASTA PG Pharoahs Provolone R.V.'S RAPHAELITE RICARDO RITA Rom Roni SAGAN SANFORIZE SCHROON SCIENTOLOGIST SERBO linuxdevices.com - the embedded linux portal: polls SHOPLIFT SINATRA SKEE SODOMIZE SONTAG STREEP Safeway Slezak Spandex T.V TACO TAILFINS TALLULAH TINA TRANSSEXUAL TRYNEL Tenafly Tex Th Tylenol Uh VASELINE VELVEETA WESSON YEH YUBBA Yum ZIPPY Zippy Zippy's barbequeued chr co cranial creme devalue disco donut donuts dusenjet einem einige frolicking fuschia gladiatoren gothic graphisticator hors houseboy ich im jahr kidnapped lande laundromat laundromats lesbian li'l manicurist matic meatball meltdown naugahide obstetrician poindexter pre psilocybin quaaludes quadrophonic rieche s'posed scientology skintight skydiving solarium spielen telex th th'HOLIDAY th'MAMBO th'RAIN th'WRENCH th'cute thru thumbtack uh um urinate vaseline vor zzzzzzzzz

So, if there's no God, who changes the water? -- New Yorker cartoon of two goldfish in a bowl

An artist should be fit for the best society and keep out of it.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) You are the type of person who never has enough money community to do what you want. Don't expect things to get any better today, either. As a matter of fact they might get worse. Intensify your relationship with your bank and any friends you have who might be able to lend you a few bucks.

The Stealth Condom -- they'll never see you coming.

Maryel brought her bat into Exit once and started whacking people on the dance floor. Now everyone's doing it. It's called grand slam dancing. -- Ransford, Chicago Reader 10/7/83

A language that doesn't affect the way you think about programming is not jdbc technology worth knowing.

Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable. -- Ambrose Bierce

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. -- Earl Wilson

All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power -- Ashleigh Brilliant

Absentee, n.: A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove himself from the sphere of exaction. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

A passionate red-haired girl When you kissed her, her senses would whirl, And her twat would get wet, about ibm - united states And would wiggle and fret, And her cunt-lips would curl and unfurl.

Before Xerox, five itmweb carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.

If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. -- Dorthy Parker

Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon after the weather turned cold, the sparrow changed his mind and reluctantly started to fly south. After a short time, ice began to form his on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard almost frozen. A cow passed by and crapped on this little bird and the sparrow thought it was the end, but the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy the little sparrow began to sing. Just then, a large Tom cat came by and hearing the chirping investigated the sounds. As Old Tom cleared away the manure, he found the chirping bird and promptly ate him. There are three morals to this story: (1) Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy. (2) Everyone who gets you out of shit is not necessarily your friend. (3) If you are warm and happy in a pile of shit, keep your mouth shut.

Matter cannot be created or destroyed, nor can it be returned without a receipt.

craigsmullins A dulcet-voiced callgirl named Shedd, Who's cultured, well-spoken, well-bred, Had achieved some reknown For her tone going down-- There's a nice civil tongue in her head.

All I want is a girl made of wood, free bsd sockets, winsock, tcp/ip and internet libraries and source code (thefreecountry.com) With fine-grained hair and carven knee. She wouldn't drink and wouldn't smoke, Oh, wooden tit be loverly? -- Pinocchio

A german composer named Bruckner Remarked to a lady while fuckener : "Less lento, my dear, With your cute little rear; I like a hot presto when muckener!"

Don't look now -- your office mate is a pederast!!!

"Humor is a drug which it's the fashion to abuse." object computing, inc. - java news brief - july 2003 -- William Gilbert

Fie for shame, you lascivious, lewd, lecherous, libidinous, lustful, licentious, dirty bum!!

Don't Worry, Be Happy. -- Meher Baba

The honest female orgasm is three to fifteen rhythmic contractions of the outer third of the vagina at .8 second intervals, which is approximately the beat of Surfing Safari" by the Beach Boys. Unless these contractions occur, you can regard her groaning, moaning, clawing, kicking, begging for mercy, and shouting filthy religious epithets as bargain-basement histrionics. -- John Hughes, National Lampoon

And having stretched me out upon his bed with my head a little to one side, he sat down next to me and raised my head upon his lap. He peered avidly at me, his eyes seemed ready to devour the secretion oozing from my nose. "Oh, the pretty little snotface," said he, beginning to pant, "How I'm going to suck her." Therewith bending down over me, and taking my nose in his mouth, not only did he devour all the mucus between my nose and mouth, but he even lewdly darted the tip of his tongue into each of my nostrils, one after the other, and with such cleverness he provoked two or three sneezes which redoubled the flow he desired and was consuming so hungrily. But ask me for no details bearing upon this fellow, Messieurs, nothing appeared, and whether because he did nothing, or becaues he did it all in his drawers, there was nothing to be seen, and amidst the multitude of his kisses and lecherous lickings there was nothing outstanding which might have denoted an ecstasy, and consequently it is my opinion that he did not discharge. All my clothes were in place, even his hands stayed still, and I give you my word that this old libertine's fantasy might be performed upon the world's most repectable and least initiated girl without her being able to suppose there was anything lewd in it at all. -- Marquis de Sade